This blog is focused on the latest trends in anger management and executive coaching for physicians and high profile clients. It is one of the most popular blogs on the internet for anger management Facilitator Certification Training as well as books and products.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Understaning the Stages of Change
Understanding the Stages of Change
An Article by David Cory, MA
Most people don’t take the EQ-i or other assessments expecting to change their lives. As training, coaching, and employee development professionals, the role of facilitating change is exactly our goal. We don’t want people to come and experience our development initiatives and then carry on doing what they’ve been doing. We want them to change, but we often don’t think carefully enough about what individuals must go through to make positive changes in their lives. This is where “The Stages of Change Model” (Prochaska, Norcross, DiClemente, 1994) can be a very useful tool to remind us to diagnose where a client is in the change process so we can provide the right kind of support at the right time.
The Stages of Change
- Pre-contemplation – The person hasn’t thought about making a change yet
- Contemplation – The person is thinking about it, but unsure how to proceed
- Preparation – The person is choosing between alternative courses of action to formulate a plan
- Action – The person is implementing of the plan to change
- Maintenance – The person is working to maintain new behaviors
- Termination – The person is no longer necessary to work at maintaining new behaviors
Once you’ve determined a client is in the Pre-contemplation stage about improving their EQ, your job as a coach is to create the awareness of the need for change. EQ-i scores can assist with this task. A manager might be making their numbers, but increasingly alienating direct reports and not making the connection between their behaviors can damage relationships. The coach will link the negative issues that the client is experiencing with the emotional intelligence skill deficits to raise awareness of the need for change.
A client in the stage of Contemplation needs to make a commitment to making a change before they can proceed to the next stage. The EQ-i reports detail and support their manager’s observations of the connection between their behavior and the damaged relationships. This can conclude in thoughts about making a change, but it is uncertain if they can change or even if they want to make the effort. The coaching professional will focus on how the benefits would outweigh the costs to the client by increasing their EQ.
In the Preparation stage, a client along with the coach will need to consider all the possible ways of making the required changes and reducing these to achievable steps toward developmental goals. These steps and goals become the ‘action plan’ for EQ development, and they should include reviewing the interactions between the EQ-i scales and subscales.
In the Action stage, the coach supports the client in making behavioral changes in reference to his or her EQ-i. Starting with small, safe, and supported changes and moving to larger, ‘bigger risk’ changes. The ‘baby steps’ will draw the client closer towards the developmental goals outlined in the action plan and EQ-i report.
The stage of Maintenance helps to remind the client that they will ‘cycle back’ or relapse into old behaviors, and that this is an acceptable and even necessary part of the change process. It offers the coach and client opportunities for learning more about triggers for old behaviors. Also, it gives an even greater awareness of how and why the client drifts back into old behaviors to reduce the likelihood in future. To further evaluate the changes or “non changes” in behavior, the client is advised to repeat the EQ-i assessment. Since emotional intelligence is a dynamic, the latter assessment results can be compared to the first one to understand the client’s progress.
The stage of Termination suggests that there will be a time in the change process when the client need not work at ‘maintaining’ the change as the client will eventually become ‘unconsciously competent’ as regards the new desired behaviors.
Putting it into Practice
An example of how the ‘Stages of Change Model’ has helped me in my own coaching work is a time when I was speaking with a manager about improving his relationships with his direct reports. After sharing more of his thoughts and emotions, I was puzzled that he could not relate to a conversation about an action plan to address this situation. Then, I realized that he was still in contemplation about the change itself, and he had not yet made a commitment to making the change. Hence, I had to go back to the previous stage and focus on the benefits to him personally and to the organization until he was ready to make a commitment before moving on to a discussion of the action plan for change.
The benefits to using the ‘Stages of Change Model’ in your client work help you to:
- Remind yourself as a coach to be patient with your client
- Understand that the changes are ‘client dependent’
- Facilitate understanding and acceptance
- Reduce the likelihood of you getting ahead of your client
- Allow you to offer coaching that matches the client’s readiness for change
About David Cory
David Cory is the President and founder of The Emotional Intelligence Training Company Inc.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
EQ-i-2.0: When High Scores Give Low Results
EQ-i 2.0: When High Scores Give Low Results
October 26, 2012
While we coach our clients to improve their emotional intelligence, we also recognize that sometimes being high in one subscale, when it is not balanced by another, can hinder their success. Below are some challenges sometimes associated with high scores and questions to gather more information on how it may be impacting the client.
Self-Perception
Self-Regard
-May come across as arrogant.
-May ignore feedback.
-May come across as overly confident.
-Susceptible to losing touch with an objective assessment of his/her capabilities.
Questions: Give me an example of how you display your confidence in meetings. Has your confidence ever gotten the better of you? Led you down a path you later regretted?
Self-Actualization
-May be less tolerant of those who are not continuously trying to improve.
-May come across as a “know-it-all.”
-May take on too much and get burnt out.
-May be seen as a workaholic.
Question: How do you define work/life balance? How does that impact those around you who may hold a different definition?
Emotional Self-Awareness
- May be seen as wearing your heart on your sleeve.
- May run the risk of over-analyzing or being overly critical of your emotions.
- May put too much weight on emotional information compared to objective or
factual information.
Question: How has your awareness of your emotions helped you communicate with your direct reports?
Self-Expression
Emotional Expression
- May share inappropriate information.
- May be seen as overly-emotional.
- You may overwhelm others by sharing too much emotional information.
- You may take the stage to share how you are feeling without giving the same
opportunity to your colleagues.
Question: Think about a time when you realized too late that you shared something you shouldn’t have. What happened? What were the repercussions?
Assertiveness
-May come across as aggressive or stubborn in your beliefs.
-May come across as not being open to other opinions.
-May create an atmosphere where others do not feel comfortable sharing their
opinions.
Questions: When has your assertiveness perhaps not worked to your advantage? How do people react to your assertiveness?
Independence
-May not be seen as a team player.
-May not be comfortable taking direction.
-May come across as not needing any help from anyone.
Question: In what circumstance (or with who) would it serve you well to not leverage your Independence as much? Or Tell me about a time when leveraging your independence was not appropriate. How did you handle that?
Interpersonal
Interpersonal Relationships
-You may be seen as being too focused on socializing and not focused enough on work.
-You may hold back your honest opinion for fear of putting a relationship in jeopardy.
Questions: Has your Interpersonal Relationships ever caused you to not be taken seriously? Or tell me about a time when you were unable to make a tough decision or share difficult news in order to protect a relationship.
Empathy-You could struggle to make decisions that have negative outcomes for others.
-You may find it hard to stay objective when strong emotions are involved.
-You run the risk of taking on other people’s problems as your own.
-You may find it hard to say ‘no.’
-You may focus on others’ feelings over your own.
Question: How do you provide constructive feedback to your direct reports? How effective is that for you?
Social Responsibility
- You may put others’ needs so far ahead of yours that you risk achieving your
personal goals.
- You may take the weight of the world on your shoulders.
- You may take on everyone’s problems as your own.
Question: Think of a time when you put your own goals ahead of someone else’s. What happened?
Decision Making
Problem Solving
-You may ignore your feelings entirely when making decisions.
-Your solutions may be seen as cold and impersonal.
-You may run the risk of fixating on a problem when a solution isn’t readily available.
Question: What feedback have you been given on how you solve issues/problems that arise from your team?
Reality Testing
-You may rely too heavily on logic and objective evidence to reach a decision.
-You may make very black and white conclusions: something is right or it is wrong, there are no shades of grey.
-You may be seen as being less creative.
Question: How much do you leverage this subscale in your role? Does it ever create obstacles for you? If so, how do you deal with them?
Impulse Control-You may tend to hold back on your actions, appearing to lack spontaneity and decisiveness.
-You may not react to some situations quickly enough.
-You may be seen as not moving things forward.
Question: Think about a time when you didn’t react quickly enough. What was the situation and how did it impact those around you?
Stress Management
Flexibility
-You may appear scattered, easily swayed.
-You may struggle to commit to a strategy through to its completion.
-You may appear to lack conviction.
Question: Tell me about a time when someone took advantage of your flexibility. What happened?
Stress Tolerance
-You may appear too relaxed.
-You may take on more than a healthy share of work, leading to possible fatigue or burnout.
-You may overwhelm others if you hold them to the same expectation for tolerating stress as you do.
Questions: How do know when you are feeling stressed? What signs (either physical or emotional) indicate that you have taken on too much?
Optimism
-You may set unrealistic goals, ignore personal shortcomings and/or ignore evidence that suggests your efforts are heading towards a negative outcome
-You may be seen as unrealistic.
-You may be viewed as not understanding the seriousness of a situation.
Question: Think of a time when your level of optimism got in the way of being able to see things clearly. Think of a time when others did not share your level of optimism. What happened? How did you deal with it?
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